Abundant blessings this summer.

Seriously, I could not count all the ways that God has blessed me this summer. No, I didn't go on any amazing vacation, but I spent a lot of time with beautiful people. My weeks have just been full of little coffee dates here & there & service opportunities that have been exhausting but so worth the time & energy. I have had the privilege of seeing my best friend go off to college in Massachusetts & connect with new people. I am just amazed at God's timing. He truly works through every detail of our lives & I'm extremely grateful for having such a personal God.
Senior year of high school officially begins in exactly a week from today! I feel expectant for a wonderful year of new things, new friends, & much growth. All will take effort but I am praying that I will be ready for anything. We shall see what is in store!

Home.

After a long week of working with children, home is where my heart is.

Pondering what the future holds

Today has been an interesting day emotionally for me. I've been a little all over the map with how I have been feeling from morning till now, the afternoon.
I find that my soul becomes anxious when I am not spending a window of time just to communicate with God. If I have that special time to spend with Him, it makes the day seem more lovely & little bit more manageable. I see more blessings rather than losses in my life.
A big question I have been asking myself is "what does the Lord have for me this year?" It's a scary thought at times, but overall, I have had a peace about my senior year of high school. This summer alone has brought about very unexpected changes already & it has been a season of growth, a tremendous time of heart searching. It gives me peace to know that God knows me & He sees me even during the darkest & uncertain times. That is the biggest thing that I have been giving thanks to God for over these past couple of weeks; God sees me & knows me more than anyone.
Having been thinking a lot about my future, I have been meditating on the crazy fact that God is outside of time. He sees me now & he also sees me at my wedding years from now. He knows it all because He has planned it according to who I am.
This upcoming week, I will be counseling a group of 7 girls at a Christian camp. I am very excited about this opportunity! I know that God has placed me with the girls that He wants me to be with & I am confident that Christ will work through my weaknesses to minister to them. Tomorrow is camp check-in, so I get to meet my girls for the first time! I can't wait.
I strongly believe that this week at camp will be amazing, not only for the kids attending, but for the counselors as well. I am looking forward to the yummy milkshakes during free time, rock climbing, walking, & having quiet times away.

"a woman of noble character"

Last week, my dad told me that I really needed to read the book of Ruth. As crazy as this may sound, I seriously could not remember the story of Ruth & Boaz, even though it is one of the most well-known Bible stories, especially among women.
So I read the first portion that day & the second portion the next morning. It's such a short book that I could have read in one sitting but I decided to stretch it out instead & I ended up reflecting & rereading Ruth through the rest of the week. I couldn't help but just cry at some of the verses, which definitely showed me that the Lord wanted me to read it.
It hit me pretty hard because I have truly been reflecting on who I am as a person & how I define myself. I have these goals that I desire so much to obtain but the problem is that I end up trying to get there on my own strength, & that never works out well. But it was just the overall character of Ruth that really captured my heart. The fact that she was steadfast in everything she did was amazing & she had the reputation of "a woman of noble character." I don't think there is anything as amazing as that phrase to tell a girl who is genuinely seeking after Christ. I want to have that same reputation among my peers & fellow Christians. She had such faith in God & waited patiently for her kinsman-redeemer. The part that is my favorite by far is when she goes to lay at the feet of Boaz, dressed her best, & he wakes up to ask her, "who are you?" & her response is simply, "I am your servant, Ruth."
It got me thinking that where I belong is at the feet of Jesus, the ultimate kinsman-redeemer. & the fact is that I don't live everyday at His feet. The second point that stood out was how she answered the question "who are you?" She responded as a servant. & those two things make a beautiful image for me when I apply that to my relationship with Christ. To be at His feet continually is showing submission like a servant of Christ. & we all are servants which is amazing to have that gift, but we also have access to know Him intimately, like a friend. & He calls us friends which blows my mind!
I'm grateful that I have been reflecting on those little passages ever since reading them last week for the first time. It just makes it so evident to me that I just want to submit to Him my life so that He can truly transform my heart in order for me to become a woman of noble character as well.

Summer

So I haven't blogged in quite sometime, but I recently got an iPhone so I have been taking tons of photos to catalog my summer activities so far. This summer has been filled with really special times with so many friends & I am sincerely thankful for them all. A couple weeks ago, Nathan & I went to the lake for a walk & bird feeding. The night was beautiful & we ended our time with a fire at his house. We also had a really fun time with friends at a bonfire the next week. We has so many laughs. We experimented & made Oreo s'mores, which are yummy & convenient since the cookie is almost like the cracker & chocolate together! This past week has been an adventure. It was VBS. I had a lot of fun with my group. I feel as if I learned more through the week than they did. But they loved it! Having a group of ten kids, boys & girls can definitely push buttons but it was so worthwhile. I received several sweet surprises during the week from my kids! & then on Thursday, Mikayla & I grabbed lunch at Ruby's & then headed down to the beach to fly kites. A lot of fun but I have to practice! I'm looking forward to more fun :)

 

a trip to ruby's for milkshakes!

Yesterday was a fun summer day. I spent time with Nathan & then had a wonderful & spontaneous milkshake date with Elizabeth! Those two are my closest friends that I can talk to & laugh with. Nathan just got back from Canada so it's been great spending the time with him now that he is home. Elizabeth is such a treasure...she is so adorable & so wise as well.
We had a good time at Ruby's!

My love is not strong enough.

This week has been a busy one, but it's been great overall!
Yesterday was a good day. The end of the school year is coming up so that means the work load is light! I got out of Spanish early and Nathan & I went to Coffee Bean. I brought along the book we're reading together at the moment, Knowing God by J.I. Packer & he did some left over homework for a project. It was overcast yesterday, which I did not enjoy at first, but my hazelnut latte, my comfy leather seat by the window, & my book gave me a better attitude about the unexpected cozy weather.
Anyway, the book is amazing, I highly recommend it! The title says it all; it's simply a book delving into the attributes of God in pursuit of gaining a better understanding of who He is. Packer's writing is marvelous. He was so gifted! & I love how reading a book like this just stirs up more thought about heavenly things & the battle between good & evil that is constantly bombarding our souls day after day.
I was just thinking moments ago about the fact that our love is not strong enough. I don't have a strong enough love for Jesus. I don't have a strong enough love for His children. I don't have a strong enough love for even the ones I feel total love towards because I am human. & my love is flawed.
To go along with all of that as well, my love is not strong enough to save the ones who are lost, the individuals who are hurting & alone. I struggle with that. Especially lately. I am so small. & compared to the love that Christ has for His church & for the lost, my love is just a tiny fragment. I guess what I am trying to say here is how I wish I was strong enough to save those who are wandering & hurting. But it seems that anything I express with words towards them, that comes from my love for those people, doesn't really hit their souls like I want so badly for them too.
I don't know if this makes any sense, but it was just something that I was meditating on this morning. It just brings me back to the fact that the only one who has the greatest love is Jesus Himself. Only He can love the lost in such a way that penetrates a heart & draws it to salvation.

mother's day & little blessings.

Yesterday was a really great mother's day. In the early morning, my sister & I snuck out early to get my mom a vanilla latte & a slice of coffee cake from Starbucks. When we got back, we woke her up with a bouquet of flowers, her morning coffee & goodie. She loved it! Church was great as well, & lunch with the family was very enjoyable. We sat around in the living room & after my mom opened her cards from all of us, we had a family nap session. So nice & it was definitely needed! We got up shortly after & headed out for frappaccinos at Starbucks for an afternoon treat. I wanted to go to another Starbucks that has a lot more seating space & a more pleasant atmosphere, but since we left home later than expected, the one around the corner made much more sense. So, off we went.
What was so neat was as soon as we walked in the door, a sweet classmate of mine from school, Hannah, who I had not seen in a very long time was just finishing up at the register. I was ecstatic. I immediately rushed up behind her & said hello, it was such a surprise to see her after all this time. Our encounter was definitely brief (too brief) but it was a blessing. In that small amount of time I got to hear some very exciting things she is about to venture into in just a couple months. I'm really happy for her!
But I was taken aback at how God works. Just the fact that I really wanted to go to a different Starbucks, but because of time we had to go to the closest one instead. & I caught her just in time to say hello & give her a hug. It really was awesome to see her after so much time. We talked here & there on campus & I really enjoyed our conversations but we never got the chance to really develop a friendship.
We both agreed that it was the Lord who worked out the timing of our encounter yesterday. & I'm really looking forward to getting coffee with her this upcoming week sometime! It will be great to talk to her & enjoy her company.
I'm grateful for such a sweet mother's day & the little blessings.

                              Branyn & me at Lazy Dog Cafe for an early mother's day lunch!

just a quote worth sharing...

"If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing well. If it is worth having, it is worth waiting for. If it is worth attaining, it is worth fighting for. If it is worth experiencing, it is worth putting aside time for."

--NLP Adage

A little bit of a stinky week

For some reason, this week has just been really stinky. It seemed to begin on a stressful note & then proceed to go down hill from there. I told a couple of friends a story about my Monday. Basically, I had gone to bed late on Sunday night so I didn't catch up on sleep from prom, & then got up in the morning really early for the day. Here and there I took little naps that were just way too short and then that night had to do some work at church. I was already feeling really drained by the end of this day. But to top it off, I stepped on a snail & then that totally sent me over the edge. I cried over the snail & apologized for stepping on him...my family was really encouraging so that was sweet! But I don't really think it was the snail I had to cry over, it was just the whole day that felt chaotic. & basically, since that Monday, it has been a pretty sad week. I love gloomy weather, but when it's Spring time & California it should be sunny and bright! This overcast weather is not helping my heart at all.
Oh I just hate it when I get into my snits & let the week go to waste. I could say so much that is on my mind right now, but I suppose I'll save that for my journal.
I have so many things I have to pray for. I feel the way I do now when I am not praying & instead I'm focusing on other things of little value.
Oh I just pray that I would look beyond the things I so easily fret about here in this world. I want a eternal mindset. A heavenly mindset. I don't want to look past the blessings in my life because I'm simply too caught up in myself. My little self.

encouragement for this week:
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalm 73:26

Prom!

I haven't blogged in forever but that is definitely not a surprise. Like I always say, there is so much I miss out on blogging about because so much has happened since the beginning of March! But to sum it all up, life has been wonderful since & for that I feel very blessed.
This past weekend was a special one. Nathan & I went to prom at his old high school by "date swapping" with some friends, Riley & Brooke. I was a little uncertain as to how the evening would be because I had never been to a high school dance before. But it ended up being so wonderful...Instead of taking the big limo with the rest of the group, we rode with Brooke &Riley & ended up having a special time between the four of us. We went to our friend's home for pictures in her beautiful backyard, & shortly after we headed to dinner for burgers at the Habit. The rest of the time leading up to the dance was low-key & relaxed. We stopped for dessert at Baskin-Robins for ice cream before going to the Nixon Library for the rest of the night. The ballroom was beautiful and there were all sorts of yummy desserts in the hall. Nathan & I walked around the garden outside which was lovely & then we danced the rest of the night under the stars to a cute little jazz band that played good oldies from the swing era. I was in heaven! & to add to all of the fun, talking to so many old friends from Jr. High was great as well.
The after party was a great way to end the night, but I was said to let the day come to an end.

I'm holding on to my daisy corsage & Nathan's boutonniere for the memories.

a bittersweet beginning to march.

Today was definitely a bittersweet beginning to this month...I had to officially say goodbye to my dear friend, David who I wrote about. It was so difficult.
We had a really great time & I am beyond thankful for it all. We had lunch together & then came back home to just hang out. I don't think there were any moments of silence...we just talked away the time together. I think that's what made it seem to go by so quickly. He's grown so much spiritually & I have so much respect for him. Even though we had a limited amount of time due to our conflicting schedules, I walked away feeling overwhelmingly blessed. To have met him, to have developed a friendship with him, & to have had the chance to say goodbye. But I know he'll be coming home, so it's not farewell. I'm planning on writing letters as he will be in basic training. He will definitely be receiving much mail because he is loved by so many people at home. But walking away from that time was painful. I think I gave him 3 hugs all within 5 minutes. I tried so hard not to, but I had to cry. It just happened. And when I walked away it was one of those moments when you can hardly catch your breath because you're crying with so much strength. I didn't expect to break down like this, even though I am very emotional & he has been a great friend beyond belief.

So I'm thankful for this day although I wish it wasn't so rough. But I know that David is going away to do something far more incredible & he is going to bless so many others with his friendship. His heart is focused on the Lord & he's doing what he was created to do.

I'll miss him.

Something Bigger

It's pretty crazy to see the difference in my thought life from when I was a child to now, being a teenager. (almost adult!) Before, it was more of the things that brought temporary satisfaction & care free times with friends. Though I do continue to think of these things now, I am finding that my mind is fixed on the future just about 24/7 nowadays. I want so badly to make the right decisions about everything big. ..like schooling, living, marriage...& I never think I can do these things without the Lord being first. Truly first. Yet that has been one of the things that is also in the forefront of my mind for many different reasons.
 I was talking to  some friends of mine after church this past sunday. While talking about school I mentioned how I find I limit myself constantly. Most of the time, I can't see myself doing great things that have always been desires of mine because I think it's just too big. But what a sad way to think! I not only doubt myself by doing so, but I doubt the power of God to work in my life. And not to mention, the fear of going for something creeps in as well. But I sincerely want to fully trust Jesus with my life & expect the things that seem impossible to be possible if I take them to prayer. It always brings comfort to my soul when I think that God knows my heart. Every nook & cranny of it. Because I can just go on & on sometimes & feel like I can't quite make my emotions clear in words. And then I remember that bit of Truth. It seems to stop me from even continuing while in prayer because It feels wonderful to rest in His love.
I've been blessed this week already by meeting with my friend Brenna. She is one of the sweetest people I know & one of the greatest friends I could ask for. We had a wonderful time over hot coco & tea discussing fun stories & enjoying each other's company. She is just one of those people that you look at & want to be more like them. The Lord has truly given her a tender heart & gentle spirit that I could learn a lot from.
On Thursday, I will be saying goodbye to my dear friend, David as he goes away for basic training. I know it's just for a period of time but I hate goodbyes. David has been such an amazing friend to me over this past year & I am extremely blessed to have developed a friendship with him before he goes away. He is a true gentleman & one of the Godliest guys I know. I would have never expected to know a future soldier so well, so it definitely is heart wrenching to see him leave. I'm really looking forward to having him over for tea & conversation. I'll miss our long talks about life & Jesus. He's so insightful!
Looking at these relationships I have with such awesome people gives me such encouragement to trust in God's faithfulness. Just as He has been faithful to reconnect me with my dear friend Brenna & bring me a great Godly friend in David, He will also be faithful to carry out His plans for my life. I stress, but yet I love how unexpected life is as a Christian. His ways are so much greater than mine & I just need to find peace in that promise.

a day well spent.

Today, my dear friend David asked me a really good question that he needed help with. It took me some time to put together my thoughts for a clear answer.
He had been thinking about the fact that we have such a limited and unknown amount of time on this Earth. As Christians, or simply just as any individual, we desire to make the most of our time. But what he was wondering was "how do we know when we've used a specific amount of time (a day for example) adequately?"
It made me think! And I thought it was so awesome how he had this deep question on his mind. It also meant a lot that he came to me in hopes that I could help him figure it out possibly. As a follower of Jesus though, when I was thinking about it, it really isn't that difficult to answer. So I answered back to him: "My answer would be when you can look back on a day and say with your whole heart that it glorified God. Especially when you're walking through a day with Him, in close communication with Him. And then everything else becomes more lovely, like the conversations you have with the ones you love, or listening to music, or going for a walk. If you've spent the day well and used it to glorify God, that's how you know it's been spent in the best way."
I was really glad I could help him figure it out, but even more so, I was extremely glad that he brought the thought to my mind to be meditating on. It truly is important to be spending my days well instead of wasting away precious time God has given me. And how often I go through my days not really walking with the Lord or even thinking about Him as much as I should be. I think so many have this opinion that a day worth something is a busy, packed day filled with this and that. But even the simplest of days can be worth the most.

I'm really grateful to have friends who inspire me to go deeper and think deeper as well.
Thanks, David!

a blessed december month

It was a great December. My family did so many fun and seasonal things! I just wished that I had been diligently blogging through the month. There is always next year!

a new heart in the new year.

New Years Eve was spectacular this year. The night was such fun with friends and good times. I was blessed!

This morning, my pastor gave an awesome message for the first of the year. It was the last message of our Advent season and it was a great conclusion! The main focus was on our fears and frustrations that we usually have for each new year. The biggest thing that he mentioned he feels present in so many lives is the issue of uncertainty. He said that so many times we're unsure of what the new year will bring that the only thing we are certain of, is uncertainty. And since this is true, it creates a lot of fear for the new and unknown year ahead.
I could totally relate to what he was saying because I really don't even know what to expect this year. I'm praying it will be great! But of course not everything will be expected...or easy. I know that there will be times this year that I will be frustrated with not knowing exactly what God has in store and knowing who I am, I will be fearful. But the hope is that the Lord knows and we can put our trust in Him by laying our fears aside. The main theme for the year for our church is "Your will be done."
I want that to be my own heartfelt prayer for my life this year. Not my will, but Your will be done in everything.

I just finished writing in my journal "A Prayer for 2012." I mentioned certain things in my life that I want to see complete transformation in. Just areas that I see are lacking the Lord's guidance because I've closed the door.

I learned so much in 2011. Some really great lessons and some really tough ones as well. But I know that 2012 can be an even better year If I allow God to take control.