Spiritual Growth for Spring.

Last week was a wonderful start to Spring. I was pleasantly surprised with a night at Color Me Mine with Nathan, went to Peet's for some tea and conversation with Elizabeth, and enjoyed my first Ben and Jerry's milkshake on Friday. Everything about the week was wonderful but then I felt like I took a major emotional dive at the end of the week. I usually don't have conflict with my parents, but this week I did. My attitude was really bad and I was disobedient to them...even though they didn't do anything to offend me. It was just that feeling you get sometimes when you seem to have no idea why you want to crawl back into your bed and cry until you fall asleep. And last night, that's pretty much what happened when I came home from a family friend's house. When we got in the car after a long night with them, my parents confronted me on the poor behavior I had for the past couple of days. We discussed the issues but it still wasn't fully resolved. By the time we got home I just didn't feel like talking about it anymore and I decided to get ready for bed. While in the midst of doing so, I couldn't help but cry. It  had been bottled up for a couple of days and I finally just let it happen.
It was a tough feeling to feel like my parents were disappointed in me. I normally don't walk around the house with a stinky attitude and a scowl on my face like I'm mad at the world. But I ended the week on a bad note...a really special and beautiful week that didn't need to end the way it did. My mom and dad both made it clear to me that they had seen a huge difference in my demeanor through the couple of days and how I've been handling my life right now when it comes to priorities. I must admit that I, sadly, have been failing to prioritize my life appropriately. Although they are fine with me spending time with friends, I can't seem to switch gears to work mode when I'm home. But rather, I'm distracted and messy with the other things that are of importance. Realizing the state if my emotions, I had some quiet time to reflect on my heart. And I found some really sad truths there. I've been slacking off majorly on the One thing that should come before all; my relationship with Christ. And when this happens, when I get far from Him, I lose my sense of conviction on the things of this world that I struggle with. I lose the desire to spend time with Him in the morning, I become too lazy at night to pick up my Bible and read a few verses to ponder when I'm laying in bed. I blame no one else but me for this spiritual laziness. But lately, I have been feeling drawn to spend time with the Lord and to work on our relationship. Which I now am trying to put more time into. This makes complete sense, but when I further myself from the Lord, I have a big change in attitude and perspective and it affects my personality. The result has been more drastic than other times when I've felt far from Him. It's basically like an inward battle right now. Wanting the intimate relationship with Him, but the conviction is rough on the way back. It's my selfishness getting in the way because I simply don't enjoy conviction (like everyone else) but it has to happen in order for me to grow.
So although it was a rough night last night, things are resolved with my parents after I apologized and had further discussion about what's taking place at the moment in my life. I'm really going to try to get my priorities in order and not lose sight of the important things in the midst of the transition I'm seeking.
Pray for me, please :)